The only people that don't know are my parents. I'd prefer it to stay that way. I think my mother has a sneaking idea, but it's okay; she's not bringing it up. The transition has been one that has been helped by a core group of friends, both old and new. My false assumption that this should make things easier has been, well, proven false. A whole new host of problems have popped up in it's place... most of which I'm prepared and willing to deal with.
Some, such as having feelings for people that you don't want to have feelings for... that kinda' sucks. There's probably gonna' be more on that later. That's... sensitive, I think; or maybe I'm just paranoid. That entry will be locked.
So far, the biggest problem I've faced, is people asking me "Are you sure?"
That bothers the fuck outta' me. Especially when people like to throw in my lack of sexual experience, too. The marijuana was a crutch, it really was; when I was stoned, I wasn't wondering about my sexuality or whether or not it's weird for my porno-viewing habits to be strictly the same-sex. I do venture into the opposite sex (HEY-OH), but not enough to make me not question it. Plus, this isn't something new. My viewing habits have been like this for a long time. I can't let denial run my life anymore. I've accepted it. My friends have too. I have good friends.
2. I quit marijuana. For good.
It's silly to most people, sure, but for a guy who was stoned literally EVERY DAY for the majority of the day... it's been since... I think September 13th? This still has ups and downs for me. I've gotten rid of all of my smoking tools and devices. The only reminders really are just the stoner-comedy DVDs I'd buy and toke to. They still retain some novelty value for me... I mean, I can't just turn my back on my past.
There are times when I really want to. Bad. As much as I'd hate to say it, my nerves and tendency to over-think and over-analyze things is still with me. The pot would help it. But I don't know.
I took a class in television script writing as an elective. Our five-person group, which was picked the second day of the semester, was charged with researching and writing an hour-long episodic script for a drama currently on the air. We picked Supernatural, on the CW. It was one of the most rewarding and fun experiences I've ever had.
We bought Final Draft, the industry standard software for scriptwriting, and we churned out a script that got 99/100. This professor is brutally tough, too. She said that this script was "one of the best that has come across my desk in a long, long time". We were on cloud nine.
At the end of the semester, she forces us to enter into a national scriptwriting competition and compete with colleges around the country. The competition and rewards ceremony is held in Vegas (!!!), and if we win, we get to go and get our $1,000 cash prize (per person), plaques, and something really fucking cool to have on our resume. Her track record for every class is that at least every year, a group in her class places first, second, or third. She says that we have a great, great chance of placing. She said that you can meet industry connections and that more than a few studios and companies send out head-hunters to see what you can do.
We find out whether or not we win on February 12th. This would be absolutely amazing for me, as writing this script was a blast. I would love to try and do this for a living.
As of right now, that's all I can think of. It feels good to do this again. Blog, I mean.